The Erotic Writer

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The Porn Reader Demands Quality Codes

The Porn Reader Demands Quality Codes
Another Cautionary Tale by Redbud

  • This is an old confabulation, written as a follow up to the world renowned and now famous story: The Porn Reader Demands Quality. Another reader was just commenting on the latter story. Her comments inspired me to finally repost this one.

The Porn Reader knocked back the rest of his bitter.
The taste of Typo was gone.
He rubbed his sore balls.
He needed more bitter.
Where was the damned opener?
“SHIT!” He stubbed his toe.
“Jesus Christ!” His wife called from the bedroom.
“I’m fine!” He rubbed his toe. “I’m just fine.”
“For the love of God…” she muttered.
The porn reader quietly opened another Guinness. He topped the glass. He was reminded of the froth of cum that spills from an innocent girl’s mouth, dripping, like a head of a good beer, down her chin. Oh yes, he could feel an erection coming on.

This time he wouldn’t read anything from that god-damned author Redbud.
He gingerly walked back to the computer room. He quietly closed the door. He listened for his wife. She was snoring. Yes. This time it was quality time.
He scrolled through SOL and ASSM. Then he saw it, yes, the perfect story. Mf. He didn’t care. He would settle for MF. VOY. Yes, a naive girl watches her older sister get fucked? INC? Who could turn down a little incest? Oh Jesus, and it kept getting better. MAST. SLAVE. MIND CONTROL. NC. BIG. ANAL. PETT. ROM. 1rst. CP… Need he read more? This story had it all.
The porn reader…
No.
Wait.
His ass was sweating. He picked up his briefs and arranged them on the vinyl chair.
Yes, this needed to be quality.
The porn reader clicked on the story.
The slave trainer was impeccably dressed.
The porn reader was 47 with a beer gut, receding hairline, and sitting on his briefs.

“Ah, we have been expecting you” the impeccably dressed man said with an exquisitely refined British accent.
“You have no idea what I’ve been through,” the porn reader shook the man’s hand.
“Oh but I do,” he answered. “You will find that only the Queen’s English is written here.”
They stood in front of a well-appointed mansion. A long driveway led from a distant wrought-iron gate to the entry hall stair at which they stood. The impeccably dressed man gestured the porn reader up the stairs and into the entry hall.
14-year-old girls were posed in recessed alcoves along the sides of the hallway. Their hands were bound. One girl stood with her legs together, hands tied behind her back, impaled on a vibrating dildo stand. Her chest was flush and her nipples were hard.
“Are you going to cum for our guest?” the man asked the girl.
Oh yes, this was good. The porn reader’s stroke was in the zone.
When the girl tried to speak, her hard, flat belly was wracked by a spasm. She was going to cum. Her mouth opened and stayed open. Her brows creased.
“This way, please.”

“What?”
“We’ve only just begun,” said the man impeccably. “Surely you don’t want to waste yourself on this trifle?”
“But…”
“A room has been arranged,” answered the man. “A girl is expecting you.”
Wait.
With trembling hands, the porn reader quaffed more bitter.
He smacked his lips.
“Where is she?” he demanded.
“This way.” The slave trainer gestured. “Sir.”
The porn reader glanced at the girls in the alcoves – hands above them, some upside-down, some tied to marble statues – bellies pierced by cold, hard, marble cocks.
“Your room, Sir.”

The porn reader stepped into the room.
He fell to his knees, put his hands behind his back and thrust his ass in the air.
It was as if…
“Mind Control?!?” he squealed. “What are you doing?”
“Ah, yes…” The slave trainer leafed through his itinerary. “I see you picked Mind Control, MAG, and…”
“MAST!” The porn reader screamed. “It said MAST! Not MAG! MASTURBATE!”
“Ah yes… well… a slight error…nonetheless…”
“Hi, little brother,” said another voice.
The porn reader squealed again. “What’s THAT?”
“You did request INC and LOLITA, did you not?”
“That? You call that LOLITA?”
“She’s only twelve years old and already a lactating nurse. Oh, and she’s Hispanic. But let’s see, shall we? Oh my, you’ve chosen quite a few codes. I’m afraid this will be a very involved story. INC, D/S, ANAL, MM, fM, fdom, AMP, BIG, FLATULENCE, FUR…”
“FUR?” The porn reader squealed. “FLATULENCE?”

The twelve year old, peg leg Sasquatch stroked her 12-inch piece of meat.
“1RST! I picked 1RST!” the porn reader babbled. “Not FUR! 1RST for the LOVE OF GOD!”
“Ah… well… we do make mistakes sometimes.”
“LIPSTICK?”
“You did choose ROM, did you not?”
“SHE’S WEARING LIPSTICK?!?”
“We do write these for free,” the slave trainer pulled out his cock. “Do please open your mouth. Would you be so kind? Oh, and I see you’ll be needing an enema after this. How curious.”
“MY MOTHER!” the porn reader screamed. “MY MOTHER’S WATCHING!?!”
“It does say VOY.”
“It’s not appropriate! I want a refund! I want the 14-year-old!”
“Refund? Oh, did you use Paypal®? So sorry. Right then,” the slave trainer stroked his cock. “Let’s do get on with this.”
“CP?” The porn reader screamed. “WHAT ABOUT CP?”
“That would be yours,” the slave trainer answered.
“THAT’S NOT CP!”
The peg leg Sasquatch knelt behind the porn reader. “Are you ready, little brother?”
The porn reader farted.

22 comments on “The Porn Reader Demands Quality Codes

  1. vanillamom
    March 7, 2012

    *rolling on the fllloor..tears streaming down my face (ergo, typos since ic annot see wiht tears and hair in my face)…laughing my (non-farting) ass off..

    Will?

    You are one fucking genius.

    seriously fucked up, but a genius nonetheless…mwhahahahhaaahaha..

    nilla

    • willcrimson
      March 7, 2012

      Oh, shoot! You read it too quick! I just edited in my lick at Paypal. You missed it. ;-)

    • vanillamom
      March 7, 2012

      *giggling*

      oh, perfection! No refunds, you’re fucked…

      mwhahahaha!

  2. vanillamom
    March 7, 2012

    oh, and yes, the gravatar pic…i idid have my bedcover rucked up…gee, wonder how *that* happened…

    *wink*

    n

    • willcrimson
      March 7, 2012

      I love looking at the background of your avatars – I learn so much, like which direction you unroll your toilet paper.

    • Ximena
      March 7, 2012

      Ha!

      Team roll *over* 4eva!

    • willcrimson
      March 7, 2012

      Nilla, you know, rolls under. I and others saw it in one of her avatars. You may think this is trivial, but look here.

    • vanillamom
      March 7, 2012

      *guffaws*

      Will!!

      and why don’t YOU have a gravatar, one wonders, eh?

    • willcrimson
      March 7, 2012

      I’m wanted. The CIA. Can’t be too paranoid.

      You? With all your avatars? You’ll be picked up in a day or two. Be sure to pack your heels.

    • vanillamom
      March 7, 2012

      LMAO…pack my heels…

      and you so need to revisit part three of this…it is such a delight.

      :)

      n

  3. Ximena
    March 7, 2012

    This piece made me do a twinkle-toed dance of glee. People now think I’m completely mad, but I don’t care.

    Comic perfection achieved.

    • willcrimson
      March 7, 2012

      There’s a third one. It’s not as good as the first two, but maybe I should take another look at it. :-)

  4. AspiringWordsmith
    March 7, 2012

    “The twelve year old, peg leg Sasquatch stroked her 12-inch piece of meat.”

    That is the best sentence I’d never hoped to read in erotica.

  5. Mistress_Bre
    March 7, 2012

    Lmao! This was hilariously devilish.

  6. paul1510
    March 7, 2012

    Will,
    chortles, in perfect Queen’s English.
    Get your money back, from Paypal, oh dear oh dear!
    Paul.

  7. Marie
    March 7, 2012

    I had a rough day today, but this story brighten up my mood and had me rolling with laughter. Thank you.

    • willcrimson
      March 7, 2012

      I couldn’t ask for better. :-) I’m glad it brightened your day.

  8. AtALoss
    March 8, 2012

    I think, for me, porn reader turning to SOL for typo-free writing is the funniest part. Thanks for the 2 am giggle :)

  9. Squeaky
    March 8, 2012

    *falls over laughing* Will, you are a priceless genius, and I propose that you be stuffed and mounted for posterity…or should that be the other way around…? XD *cough* sorry…
    You had me laughing aloud in the work canteen. *Again*! Also: am I missing something, here…? This is a repost? And there’s a part 3…? Never seen either! What gives? Did I miss ’em, or have I just slipped into a parallel universe…? *confused*
    P.S. *under* is the only way. Then you only need one hand to tear. But the wrist action has to be right, of course… ;)

  10. Lady Grinning Soul
    March 9, 2012

    Oh LORD this is good. I am laughing AND I feel politically minded AND I feel inspired. Just superb on so many levels. And REAL. (In a fantastical world, of course.) Thank you. Thank YOU!

  11. tina
    November 5, 2012

    So nice to find that these types of stories don’t only happen when I’m doing the writing. The Carnivale of the Perverse Grammarie and Codisms.
    :) Fun!!

  12. bareyei
    March 29, 2013

    Nice piece

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This entry was posted on March 7, 2012 by in Erotica, Humor, RedBud and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , .

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