So I got a call from the dentist reminding me I had an appointment. I was pissed. I couldn’t believe I scheduled it on the one afternoon I didn’t have to work. Who does that? But then I was happy because my dentist has People Magazine and National Geographic. They’re both survival magazines if you haven’t heard of them. But then I think about everybody wiping their noses. Is it just me or do dentist office periodicals all look like flu vectors?
I just sit there.
Jeanine tells me she’s ready. She’s wearing lavender scrubs and they look so like pajamas. Tell me you wouldn’t spend all day working in pajamas? I vow I’m going to buy scrubs. So my landlady has a heart attack and I’m wearing scrubs. Headline: Girl tried for murder. Crime? Impersonating Doctor.
Jeanine has a body to die for.
I know because I’ve seen guys look at her—the Dads and the teen-aged boys. I can only imagine the kind of service they get.
It’s Doctor Phenom that makes my head go woozy. He’s got a sort of military cut. His hair is thick. He’s young and has brown eyes a girl could swim in. I live for Dr Phenom’s visit. He walks in after Jeanine is done and professionally opens my mouth.
:Cavities? asks Dr. Phenom.
:Just her mouth, says Jeanine. Nothing much, just a little semen.
:Wonderful, says Dr. Phenom. Not a little girl anymore are you. Let me just take a look at your cavities before we get you on your way.
Cavities? I’m blushing like crazy. I swear to God I brushed my teeth. I mean, who doesn’t brush their teeth before going to the dentist? That’s just gross. I was going to kill Travis. I wanted to explain it all. It wasn’t my fault. He shows up in the kitchen, n the morning. He’s got that crazy grin and he’s in a hurry.
:Get on your knees, baby, hurry up.
:No way, I say, you missed your chance.
Then he’s got one hand in my hair and he’s spanking my ass with the other. :Maybe I should just bend you over, he says.
And then after my ass is stinging (just my heart-jammies protecting this girl’s ass) he goes all sweet and sour and is kissing my neck and licking my ear. He tells me how he can’t stop thinking about me, how he’s going to have to masturbate at work if I don’t help him. He really needs my help.
:Baby, I really need your help.
Fuck it if I’m not on my knees sucking him. You know: helping him, my T-shirt top popped over my tits, my ass sticking in the air, and my jammie bottoms pooled around my knees. What’s a girlfriend for, anyway? And it isn’t my fault for being a girl—a beautiful, totally irresistible girl? And then I’m sucking all the stress out of boyfriend’s balls, and swallowing. He’s such a puppy when he’s squirting. I like to keep giving him little licks until he starts begging me to stop.
:It’s my turn when you get home, right?
:Yeah, he whimpers.
I get another little drop on my tongue.
:I remember when you were a little pipsqueak, says Dr. Phenom.
There are all kinds of metal instruments in a dentist’s office. And most of them are pointy tools of torture. This one is different. It’s chrome but it’s big. Okay, it looks like a cock, but I can’t call it that because it’s obviously a medical implement and we’re in a Dentist’s office. It even flairs on the end like a cock, but this must also be for some medical reason.
:Open wide, says Dr. Phenom.
I do and then he carefully slides the device into my mouth until he’s just touching the back of my throat.
:That’s good. Just swallow. Wonderful. You’re doing wonderful. What a young woman you’ve grown into!
His wedding ring is just under my nose.
:A little wider, he says and he looks into my mouth as if checking my bite. Then he says: Close your lips. That’s a good girl. He moves the medical implement in and out. My lips slide on the chrome.
Those reclining dentist chairs are amazing.
I had no idea they could immobilize your wrists and ankles. I had no idea the bottom half could open up and spread your legs. The next thing I knew Jeanine was holding this huge chrome implement, connected by a short hose. She pointed it under my dress.
:A little wider, says Dr. Penom, open a little wider please.
One minute I was trying to say something like—Spit! I have to spit!—and the next minute I’m seeing stars way in the back of my head. And I’m drooling so I don’t have to spit any more. I think, when I was orgasming, I spotted intelligent life on one of those star systems in the back of my head. Their signal was weak.
I couldn’t be sure.
:So how was your visit to the dentist? asks boyfriend. Any cavities?
:They filled them.
:What have you been sucking on?
Sigh. Am I the only one?
Yrs, in love, Susie Suede: All true. No lies.