In Lily

No one can control the human sexual impulse – to do so means slow death for us all. -X

“This sucks.” He said the word with such relish air hissed sharply between his teeth. “This suck sucks sucks su-”

He jumped up when he heard rustling to his left. His eyes searched the wall of green for movement. If the Police caught him using that word, he’d get 5 demerits – reduced rations and no social interaction outside of school for two days. He settled back down onto the warm rock when he made sure the coast was clear. He should be more careful.

“This f-fuc-” He looked around again. The sun glistened against the tips of the preternaturally green grass. There was no one around. “This fucking sucks.” His eyes widened as he said the forbidden word. He didn’t dare raise his voice above a whisper. If they heard him use that word, he’d get three months in an Emotional Readjustment Center and a lifetime of sidelong glances from his peers.

He shivered.

“How could you be cold? It’s lovely out!” A female voice called from the trees.

“Lily! It’s about time. What took you so long?” Her hair was so blonde that her head glowed in the sunlight. She winced and pressed her fingertips gingerly on her ribcage as she sat beside him. Although she never spoke of it, he knew why her ribs started hurting after she turned twelve.

He knew that her…breasts…were bigger than what was acceptable to display in the government-issued school uniforms. Young women considered too ‘provocative’ by the local Government were required to cut their hair chin-length or shorter and wear special uniforms.

“Where have you gone off to?” Her boy-length hair only set off the delicate bones of her face. All the green around them made her cat eyes brighter.

“Oh…I was just thinking.”

“Be careful. You might be considered a revolutionary if you think too hard,” she said, smirking. She leaned in close. “I have something to show you. Did you bring your tablet?”

“Of course. Why are you whispering?” His penis twitched in his soft recycled cotton pants. He brushed her hand away from his forearm and tried not to blush. She was still so free with him, although they were nearly adults and would soon be assigned life partners. He wondered who would be assigned to him, and whether he would care for her the way he cared for Lily.

“Lily, what kind of man do you think you’ll be assigned when the time comes? Have you ever thought of that?”

“Oh, I try to avoid thinking about it. I refuse to!” It was her turn to shiver. He had visited her home on many occasions and felt the strained politeness between her parents. Although they were intellectually compatible, it seems like they did not truly like each other – but divorce had been abolished years before. They had no choice but to adjust.

And neither would they, if they did not get on with the person that the distinguished and knowledgeable Government psychologists had chosen for them after 21 years of constant observation. The State knew best, after all.

“I am sorry for bringing it up.” He waved his digital tablet at her.

She snatched it and started feeling around the sides. “Aha!”

“Aha what?”

She leaned in close, whispering although they were alone. “Do you remember how upset you had been when your parents gave you a refurbished tablet?”

“How can I forget? I’m the only person in my class with a tablet from before the Evolution.”

She reached inside her loose tunic and dropped a little blue plastic thing in his hand. It was still warm from being against her skin. It took him a couple of seconds to register what it was.

An SD chip. They been made very illegal once the Government had mandated every electronic device update to Government-controlled and patrolled cloud computing.

“Lily!” He clenched it in his fist but couldn’t bring himself to throw it into the woods. She gave him a lovely but unsettling smile. Her eyes glowed with an intensity that made him dizzy. He realized he would be totally willing to rot in an Emotional Readjustment Center for her.

“Put it in.” Her tone made the hairs on his arm stand on end. “Go on.” He fingered the tiny sliver of plastic. It had vaguely heart-shaped globe etched into it, just like in the back of his reader.

“What is it? Forbidden art?” He tried to sound nonchalant. He’d never seen any form of forbidden art, but he’d once heard a story from his friend’s big brother…how once, people used to pose naked, write about coupling,  or even do it in front of a camera for all to see. He said he’d seen a smuggled photo of a lovely young woman from before the Evolution when they were still allowed to modify their bodies at will, wear scanty clothing, and paint their faces. She had been wearing undergarments that only accentuated her brash nudity. He’d been so hard as his friend’s older brother described the mystery between a girl’s legs that he’d gotten a headache.

...there’s nothing there but a slit covered in soft hair. It opens to let a man inside. She’s rosy as the inside of a the conch shell in Mother’s den, and slick to make the coupling easy…

“Easy.” he whispered just loud enough for Lily to hear. She looked at him, puzzled.

“Easy enough, Thad. Just put the chip in the little slot. It was made to fit any pre-Evolution device perfectly – or so I’ve heard.” She wondered whether she was selfish in getting him involved, but she pushed the thought away. She wanted to share this with him and only him. Her secret friend had not told her exactly what was on the chip, but had assured that it was well worth the risk. She was so excited it was hard to breathe, and her binder only made it worse.  She’d complained to her mother, and she had told her that if she complained too much, they’d force her into surgery to permanently solve the problem. She had pointedly looked down into the flat front of her own tunic as she’d told her. She not dared to complain again, even though the rough cloth chafes and the steel rods bite into her flesh.

She had meant to squeeze his hand reassuringly, but a soft gasp escaped her as her fingers slid between his. He grasped her tightly…almost too tightly.

“Are you ready?” His face was calm, but his brown eyes had a touch of feral in them. “Are you certain?”

She leaned in until his short hair tickled the tip of her bobbed nose. “Yes. Let’s do it.”He slid the little chip into the slot and waited for the tablet to recognize it. A folder icon appeared on the screen titled “My favorite things”. They both smiled. “It doesn’t sound forbidden,” she said. She scooted in close. He could actually feel the steel rods in her binder. His chest ached in sympathy.

She was just about to tap on the folder, but he quickly turned off the tablet and laid it beside him.

“I have a less risky idea,” he said quickly. He feared he’d lose his nerve.

“What, Thad? I went through some trouble to get that chip.” She couldn’t believe he was such a coward! She felt the familiar burn of frustration at the back of her throat. It made her mouth dry. She felt that way a lot lately, especially when she was around him. She got up and ran into the woods. He didn’t follow her right away, and she hoped he was thinking it through…

She leaned against an oak trunk and tried to catch her breath. Her skin burned since she’d sweat and her head felt light. The only sound in the woods was the chatter of birds and her light panting.


She muffled a shriek and slapped his chest. “Damn it, don’t scare me like that!” She instantly clapped her hand to her mouth. She’d never dared to curse so loudly, but she was miserable and they were in safe woods. He pressed himself close to her, putting his hand on her waist. The fabric bunched up, and her hips flared so beautifully beneath his hands he had to stare.

“Why are you being so vague?” she asked. She did not try to push him away, although her mouth was really dry now. His eyes moved from her hips and up her body. He touched her chest lightly. Pressed. She hissed in pain.

“Can I see it, Lily? The binder?”

“How do you know about binders?” She wrapped her arms around herself, then winced. Her cheeks burned.

“Carlos’ big brother. He told me about them. Said they’re really painful.”

“It would be him. He’s a funny one, but he’s right. They *are* painful.”

He caressed her cheek with the pad his thumb. He had never touched her like that, but it felt so natural she didn’t flinch. Her smooth skin was hot.

“Did he tell you, er, why some women have to wear them?”

“Yes. Your – I mean, they’re…” He was scarlet.

“My breasts are above average size. The binder flattens them so I’m not a distraction.” She pressed his hand against her chest. “Have you made up your mind? Can we see it?” She tried to step out of his arms, but he held her against the tree.

“I want to see it.” He nodded toward her chest.

“Come on, Thad. It’s not a big deal. You’ll get to see your life partner’s breasts one day soon. Maybe she uses a binder too.” She didn’t want to show him, but it wasn’t because of shame. She had ugly red chafe marks and bruises on her skin from the binder.

“I want to see yours.” His hips pressed against her, and she felt hot, mysterious…things. It was getting hard to breathe again. He brushed his lips against her temple. “Please…”

She might as well get it over with. She could consider it practice for when she’d have to dazzle her life partner with her bumps and bruises.

“Alright, but you have to step back so I can take off my tunic.”

He let her go reluctantly. She moved quickly, pulling the loose garment over her head and throwing it onto the grass.

“What the hell?” He touched her above and below the binder. He caressed the  tender spots gently. She wrapped her arms around herself again, thinking he was disgusted. Right before she bent to retrieve her tunic, his lips brushed against a bruise on her shoulder-blade. He wrapped his arms around her waist again but this time felt different. It was skin on skin, and her nipples hardened with his touch. It hurt.

“I didn’t know, Lily. I just didn’t know…” He caressed a bruise on the top of her left breast, then started to play with the laces at the front of the binder. “Take it off.”

“If you were put off by the bruises over and under it, you don’t want to see what’s underneath,” she said.

“I could never be put off by you. I want to see all of you.” He untied the knot at the bottom of the binder. Her head was spinning.

“Let me.” She loosened the laces with expert fingers, and couldn’t help sighing with relief when it finally slid to her waist. She couldn’t look at him as she pulled it over her head and threw it on top of her tunic. The skin of her breasts tingled as her blood was allowed to circulate freely.

He had never seen anything so beautiful. He pressed the firm swell underneath her nipple. Her flesh gave and her rosy nipple hardened with his touch. He could feel his pulse below his bellybutton. He  took both breasts in his hands and her silky flesh overflowed from his cupped palms. Her cheeks were crimson but she still thrust her chest out at him, offering. His mouth watered  as he touched her and he knew now why those assholes made her bind those beauties so tightly.

“Lily…” He kissed a particularly cruel looking bruise. She gasped and took his head in her hands. He licked her nipple, then sucked it into his mouth. She hissed with the sting, but her knees nearly gave out with the pure pleasure of his touch. His hand moved from her waist to her hips and started to unbutton her pants.

...they’re so much nicer looking that those silly drawings they show you. Both hard and soft, with a crown-shaped tip that’s fatter than the shaft, made for pleasure...

Her secret friend had told her many things. She’d thought only of Thad when he’d told her what to do to it to make it hard, then make it spurt. He’d told her the liquid was salty and musky, but that if she loved the man, she’d love the taste.

...When it’s hard it sticks out perpendicular to his body, seeking a woman’s heat. You can rub, lick, and suck it, but what he wants most is for you to take it into yourself, where it will give you pleasure as well...

He unbuttoned her pants quickly, never taking his mouth from her breasts. He was starting so suck and lick so hard it hurt, but she was liquid. She felt her pulse beating hard underneath her belly button, making it hard to think.

He groaned into her skin as he finally cupped her mound. His middle finger slid easily into her slit, she was so wet.

slick to make the coupling easy, and she has a little bud right above her opening that, if touched, will give her such pleasure that her body with shake with it...

His reaction to her wetness was visceral and powerful. He fell to his knees in front of her, never taking his hand from between her legs. Her cotton slacks pooled at her feet. He took in her slender thighs, the way the hairs between her legs were just as blonde as the ones on her head, and nearly as soft. Her nether lips were flushed and sticky with wetness, and she gave off a musk that make a little thread of saliva drip off the corner of his lip. He couldn’t think of anything except wanting to taste, touch and feel. His desire made every muscle tight, and he was sweating profusely in the cool shade of the trees.

He gently spread her lips open, curious to know whether his friend was right about the magic bud. He saw the rosy folds…and a small mound of flesh at the top. It stuck out, the little head not unlike his own, but much much smaller. How could such a tiny thing cause such pleasure? He rubbed it with his thumb. She moaned roughly and her hips bucked forcefully into his face.

“What the…what are you doing?” she gasped.

“I don’t know.” He didn’t.

“Please, do it again!” She kicked off her pants and leaned against the tree.

He stared at her, mystified. His friend was right…and he’d mentioned something about licking it. Her musk called to him, but he was afraid she’d think him gross for tasting her there. He kissed her slick inner thighs and discreetly licked. His tongue registered mildly salty, but his hindbrain registered sweetness. No clandestine lecture could have prepared him for that – his tongue made a slow, firm arc from her inner thigh to her sex. He buried his tongue in her and licked her slit from bottom to top. Her wetness dripped down the blade of his tongue and filled his throat with her salty sweetness. He licked the swelling bud, so aroused he was deaf to her cries. His hands turned to claws on her bottom and he pressed her to his mouth until he couldn’t see light.

Tasting her like that, feeling her pleasure as his own made him realize that he loved her. Not in the ‘friends forever’ way, but in the miserably beautiful, poignant, ‘I only want to do this – make love – with you forever’ way.

He stood up and unbuttoned his pants. The smack of sticky kisses mixed with the twittering of the birds as he moved her legs apart gently with his knees and nudged his way between them. She didn’t even have the opportunity to look at him or touch him. He pressed the slick head of his penis on her swollen slit and pushed his way inside as if his life depended on it. She didn’t stop him. Her tongue was in his mouth and she groaned in pain and pleasure. Her hands were claws on his bottom, marking him like he had marked her. The tight heat inside her made him forget where they were. He cried out so loudly the squirrels above them scattered oak leaves on their heads, a strange baptism. He was not a boy anymore – a model son, a budding mathematician, and a credit to the State.

He was just…in Lily. And that’s who he wanted to stay.

He didn’t realize when he started to pound into her. He didn’t feel her strong teeth biting into his shoulder as he lifted her off her feet on the oak trunk with his eagerness. He didn’t her hear whispering in his ear, then yelling as his pleasure swelled and exploded deep inside her.

“Thad! Please!” Her hands pounded on his back, and he finally stepped away from her. His penis was still rock hard and it dribbled onto the gold hair between her thighs. Her face was red and her eyes were big as quarters. “Thad, you…you…” Pearly liquid dripped freely from between her netherlips and onto the loam. It took him a couple of moments on realize what he’d done.

...women consumed hormone pills to prevent pregnancy, and men used a thin latex sheath called a ‘condom’ to keep from impregnating those they coupled with. Before the Evolution, both were legal and available everywhere...

The realization hit him like a punch to the chest. Her beautiful green eyes flooded with tears. They held each other as she continued dripping into the dirt in vain.


Two Months Later

Lily walked into the school nurse’s office with a generic smile pasted on her face. She was glad her clothing was loose, or she’d surely see her knees were shaking.

“Please, sit down Lily,” the lady said. She was white as watered milk, with dull brown hair pulled back into a skin-stretching chignon. Lily had to concentrate to breathe calmly.

“Your mother had expressed concern at the fact you have not requested sanitary napkins this month.”

“Ah.” She thought of saying more, but decided against it. Her words might bury her deeper.

“She has requested that you be given a gynocological exam, just to be sure you are healthy and well.” The nurse’s eagle eyes searched her face for a betrayal of guilt. There was none.

“Whatever you feel is best,” Lily said. Her knuckles were white on the arms of the steel chair.


Four Hours Later

Thad was working out a particularly difficult equation on his tablet when there was a hard knocking on his bedroom door, very unlike his parents’.

Sweat beaded on his brow. “Come in.”

The door opened, and beyond his parent’s pale faces were the helmeted heads of the State Police. They pushed his parents aside roughly and walked into his bedroom.

“Where’s Lily?!” he said without thinking. His parents began to cry loudly beyond the doorway. The Police snatched his tablet from his hand and crushed it under their boot heels as they dragged him away.

Latest Comments

  1. Rock_117 says:

    November is coming up fast ladies and gentlemen. Be careful what you wish for xD…

    Good piece, X though I dont know what upsets me more- the end of this particular story or the horrifying relization of how close some parts of the world are to a totalitarian police state, if they aren’t already.

    So there’s going to be a revolution, right? Carlos’ brother will lead the way! Rip the system!

  2. ximenawrites says:

    //I dont know what upsets me more- the end of this particular story or the horrifying relization of how close some parts of the world are to a totalitarian police state, if they aren’t already.//

    This piece is nothing to what some women have to deal with in parts of Africa and the Middle East now. At least they had not removed Lily’s clitoris.

    As for what might happen later, *here*…there’s no telling. They’re slowly ‘trimming the fat’ out of the Constitution while people remain distracted by reality television and celebrity gossip. Did you know that the U.S. Armed Forces now has the right to arrest any U.S. citizen at anytime for any reason and detain them indefinitely without giving their loved ones an explanation?

    That was the Government’s holiday present to the American people. So much for ‘good will towards men’.

    • Rock_117 says:

      But but but… Did you see who’s casted for Dancing With The Stars this season?!? This is going to be so boss! Yea keyboard sarcasm, sorry I also hate all the time we were more occupied by who’s getting voted off any show than who was dying in a decade long war. And Christine, I’m with you there. Personal rights are being eroded behind peoples backs and they seem either unbelieving or otherwise preoccupied.

      Electoral college might make it moot, but I’m all in anyway. Lets do this!

      And X, about the story… Did our reluctant hero get sold out? It wasn’t very explicit and call me slow but the thought just occured to me :x

    • ximenawrites says:

      //And X, about the story… Did our reluctant hero get sold out? It wasn’t very explicit and call me slow but the thought just occured to me :x//

      Hmm…I’m going to leave that open for discussion.

      //So there’s going to be a revolution, right? Carlos’ brother will lead the way! Rip the system!//

      That’s a Big Brother I’d get behind, ha!

  3. paul1510 says:

    this scenario makes 1984 look like a nursery tale, what a horrible world, if this is what we are coming to, I’m glad that I’m old.
    Yes I know what goes on in Africa and parts of the Middle East, we like to think that we are civilised, but it’s questionable.
    I see the erosion of your constitution, just as the nanny state and fear of terrorism is eating away at our rights this side of the pond and let us not forget political correctness.
    I had better stop otherwise I’ll be even more depressed than I am now.
    Warm hugs.

  4. vanillamom says:

    Truly a brilliant piece of work….and frightening, so terribly frightening.


  5. christine says:

    Thank you for writing this. Hauntingly beautiful, really. If you’re an American please please vote in November and not just for the presidency, but be aware of your state reps as well. My friends and peers think I’m silly when I tell them I am seriously frightened to what is happening here in the states.

  6. Paul (@princejvstin) says:


    That ending feels inevitable, like a freight train that you are carried along in the story toward.

  7. Alice Bluegown says:

    Beautiful piece, very redolent of ‘1984’ (one of my all-time favourite novels) – fits in rather nicely with the depressing tenor of recent posts on this blog. Authoritarians have always longed to control human sexual behaviour, and censors are simply would-be authoritarians, regardless of what they may claim.

    “When you make love… you feel happy and don’t give a damn for anything. They can’t bear you to feel like that… All this marching up and down and cheering and waving flags is simply sex gone sour.” – George Orwell

    • Ximena says:

      “1984” is also one of my all-time favorites!

      Just like the book, there is no happy ending. It’s *at least* admirable that they acknowledge their individuality and have their beautiful moment before the inevitable fall.

  8. Aiona says:

    Oh, this made me cry.

Share your thoughts.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.