An offering for FuckMeFriday. I played with the formatting for the post. I don’t know if I like it. I’m going to repeat it prose-style below. Maybe you can tell me which works better. The cue word was ‘rush’, and it helped form the piece, but it’s not the central theme. I have another flash from a while ago that is, however: #Rush –M
The middle of the night
awake
blind by dark and desire.
You’re warm next to me
asleep
blind by dream.
It doesn’t matter.
Below the sheets
groping, grabbing hands
pressing hungry lips.
Sliding soft fabric
pushing still legs open
climbing over.
Blinded a third time by lust
a fourth time by need.
Don’t hear complaints.
Don’t feel struggles
push through clamped resistance.
To a kaleidoscope.
Burning, sweating skin
rush of blood.
Noises
Mine?
Yours?
Snap to an altered state
between wake and sleep
between human and else.
My entire world surrounds
is enclosed
by you.
Detonating in that microcosm
expend
expand
collapse
and finally
sleep again.
—
The middle of the night, awake, blind by dark and desire. You’re there, next to me. Warm, asleep, blind by dream. It doesn’t matter. Below the sheets, groping, grabbing hands, pressing hungry lips. Sliding soft fabric, pushing still legs open, climbing over, blinded a third time by lust, a fourth time by need. Don’t hear complaints. Don’t feel struggles; push through clamped resistance. Then, a kaleidoscope. Burning, sweating skin, rush of blood. Noises – Mine? Yours? Snap to an altered state, between wake and sleep, between human and else; my entire world surrounds, is enclosed by you. Detonating in that microcosm, expend, expand, collapse, and finally, sleep again.
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I think the top format works best. It is easier to read that way than with all the comas.
It has a great rhythm. It would be perfect to read aloud.
my personal preference is the poem-style, but then, i write poetry. very hot.
Monocle, like dani, I prefer the poem, to me it feels more targeted, more understandable.
Paul.
Thank you all. It’s funny – I personally lean towards the prose-ier version. Perhaps because I consider myself less of a poet. However, I’m very glad I put both versions up, because different readers bring different selves to the piece.
i’ll add my vote to those for poem. it’s cleaner, sharper, and slidright to my female core. as prose, it doesn’t make as much sense, or make me catch my breath the way the poem version did.
and you are *so* a poet.
so there :P
Either way it reads erotic and powerful. And I still think it meets the prompt ;) Thanks for joining in this week, Raz :)
I prefer the poem style too.
Beautiful – captivating, and oh so arousing. I love this.
very much enjoyed the flow of that
Throwing my lot in with the poem-style votes too. I personally feel that the poem is urgent and sexy whereas the prose is more forceful and claustrophobic. Either way it’s still enjoyable.
I’m also amused that you don’t consider yourself a poet. Not only have most of your recent posts been poems, they’re good.
You keep it coming, and so will I ;)
Beautiful, Raz. More…. (please)