This began as a short piece of Twitterfiction for Ruby’s #wankwednesday, but it turned out to be a little long for tweetin’. Sometimes a prompt really does act as a seed crystal around which something you’ve been thinking of for a while can form around. –M

Everything had been going so well with Kate. We’d taken it slow; shows and museums, lunches and movies. We fooled around, but didn’t sleep together for- what? I think it was two months. And we took that slow, too.

She invited me up for coffee after the play, like in the stories. We talked, and laughed, and fell slowly into each other. It was sweet, beautiful. It felt good, like it was supposed to, and I was happy. We both were. It was right. She was right, I didn’t need anything else, and we kept each other warm through the coldest winter either of us, two hothouse-state transplants to Chicago, had known.

We made love with the taste of spring storm ozone in the air, I looked down at Kate’s blushing face, brow slick with the sweat of our combined exertions. Her cunt squeezed me oh, so right as I sank into her, my hands pushing her knees back and apart to let me press deep as I could. Then, like a wire snapping in my spine, I felt it.

That thing.

This sweetness, this love, this beautiful, beautiful woman under me, who made me laugh and so many other things. I didn’t want to make love to her. I didn’t want to fuck her. I wanted to take her. She’d given herself to me in so many ways, but I wanted to possess her utterly. Bend her, twist her, make her. I wanted all of her. It froze my blood and body to feel it again. I hadn’t even noticed my hands move to her neck and hair. I was a heartbeat away from grabbing a fistful and pulling, baring her neck to my grip, or my teeth; I was salivating like a dog, a growl under my breath.

Kate was on the edge, and looking up at me with wide eyes. My fucking had become shorter, sharper, savage.

“A-adam…” She said, a little breathless. “Are you ok?”

“No.” I bit off through gritted teeth. Inside I clawed for balance. I wouldn’t. I could not give in to that thing. I hadn’t ever. Alice had been the first to see it, almost, and the look of distrust and fear in her eyes as she’d said goodbye haunted me still. I’d spared Ellen, and Yvonne, and the others. Most of them never even knew, they’d just seen me cool to them, push them away until one or the other of us had to start ‘the talk’. And now… now I stared down at Kate, hands shaking, fighting to pull back, unwilling to, knowing I’d never be able to touch her again if I did.

All in the space of two ragged breaths. I can’t even imagine how I looked to Kate. What kind of monster she could see now behind my eyes.

I beat it back, Forcing my hand to slide down from her neck. My cock, still rock hard and buried in Kate’s heat, wasn’t getting the message, It didn’t matter, It’d calm down on it’s own on the long walk home-

Kate squeezed me inside. Her hand was on mine, stilling it against her solar plexus. Her other hand was on my cheek.

“Adam. Adam, I see you.”

“I’m sorry, Kate. I’m sorry, I-”

“Shh. Adam, no. No sorries. I love you.”

“Oh, God, Kate.”

She squeezed me long, slow, hard. I throbbed inside her. The thing roared in the back of my mind.

“I see it. It’s Ok. I… I want it.”

“Kate, no. You don’t know what it is.”

She looked at me, eyes lust shined, but the sanest things I’d ever seen.

“Have you ever let it free?”

“No. Never. I can’t!”

“Then you don’t know either, do you, Adam. Not truly.”

She had my hand in hers, she was slowly, gently pulling it back up to her neck. Her cunt was molten around my cock; a drip of her arousal trickled down the join of our bodies.

“No. I… I’m scared. Of what it might do. To me. And, God, Kate, to you.” Even I could hear the desperation in my voice. I had to get away from there. What was she doing?

“I’m scared too, Adam. But…” She moved her hand from my cheek to my hair, gently grabbing and pulling me down, my ear to her mouth.

I didn’t resist. I couldn’t.

She whispered. “I want all of you, Adam.” Her hot tongue darted out and licked my ear, she squeezed me and turned her hips up to me, exhaling in my ear, “Let go.”

Something roared.

I could say I didn’t remember what happened next. It’d be a lie. I could say I fell and something else took me over, that I wasn’t responsible, but it wouldn’t be true. I knew, chose everything I did. Every sound Kate made – scream, moan, whimper – I wanted. Every twitch, every breath was mine. Kate was mine. Every scream, every orgasm, every tear, I took from her, fucked out of her, came into her.

We lay breathless, spent, my eyes tracing the red marks on Kate’s hips and sides that would be bruises by morning. I wondered how the last goodbye was going to go this time, she smiled tiredly at me. I wiped the last tear from her cheek.

“Are you OK, Kate?”


I nodded.

“I… I’ll get my things and go.”

“No,” she said, coolly.


“Adam, what did you just do?”

I didn’t know how to begin to answer that, she knew what I’d done to her.

“You just gave me the last bit of you. The last piece of your puzzle. That one thing you’ve held on to so tight. I’m not letting that go.”

I looked at her, confused.

“But I…”

“…Bent me backwards, made my throat raw, made me come until my muscles seized, fucked me like a piece of meat… yes. All that. I’m yours. You made me say it. It was true. It’s still true. But you, Adam. You are mine. All of you. Even that.”

I stared at her, not daring to believe.

“You’re not the only one with a monster inside, Adam.”

“You never said…”

“I never knew. Until now. You also never said – but you knew.”

“I thought I could get rid of it. Thought I had. I’m s-” she put her finger to my lips to stop me.

“No. None of that. Don’t apologize for who you are.”

Balance. For so long, I’d been afraid – I’d been sure – I’d lose it if I gave in to that side of me. And I’d lose anyone I dared love. But maybe I was wrong. Could it be instead that letting go gave it to me? And Kate…

“I… I love you, Kate.” It was the only thing that made any sense to say.

She reached out and wiped the tear from my cheek, bringing her finger to her lips to taste it, then smiled, an exhausted, wanton smile.

“Adam. Show me again. Come out. Take what’s yours.”

And it – and I – did.

[[[[[ ——  ]]]]]

Other #wankwednesday entries as of this posting:

  1. Lady Grinning Soul – #Balance (poetry)
  2. Angels Breath ~ Balance
  3. @ jelly318
  4. Meeting
  5. #100 words #balance by Wyeth Bailey
  6. #Balance – Aisling Weaver
  7. Balance by D. J. Rixelle
  8. The importance of fuck-me shoes – Mehry Inett
  9. #Balance. . . . poetry with picture

Latest Comments

  1. willcrimson says:

    Yeah… me too.

    I know the well that this story springs from.

  2. nilla says:

    savagely beautiful.

    sweet, tender, rough and tumble, beauty and beast all in one Man…

    thank you for opening the door a crack and letting us peek inside.


  3. mehryinett says:

    Subtle AND hot. Fantastic.

  4. Monocle says:

    Thanks, all. Not everyone has that shadow in them, or if they do it’s not always so dark. But owning it can be one of the hardest things you can do.

  5. logographer says:

    Perfect in so many ways. The balance between submissive and sadist, between the performed and authentic self, between powerful, different equals. I couldn’t place my sense of exhalation, of release, at first, but it’s in the words “let go”. That sense of acceptance of authentic being is so terribly desirable, it almost makes putting performance aside, and being truly vulnerable worth it. Thank you, for this delicious reminder of that.

    • Monocle says:

      Thank you so much. One of the things that happens when I write and post quickly is uncertainty; did the thing in my head make it correctly into the words. You make me rest easy.

  6. schiava says:

    What a great story..beautiful, exciting…i could feel my breath catch as touched her.

  7. Ximena says:

    Monocle, I don’t know what else to say but I get it.

    What a surreal rush to find someone who pushes you out the calm center of yourself and into the chaos that you’ve worked so hard to restrain within yourself.

    There’s rare beauty in it — in them.

  8. paul1510 says:

    thank you for this glimpse of the dark within the light.
    This beautiful, wonderful, terrifying beast that lives within some of us.
    Meeting the one who can and will respond, that is almost beyond words.
    Thank you.

  9. Squeaky says:

    Oh, Raz! This was so hot, and so, so beautiful! Polonius had it right: “This above all – to thine own self be true.”

  10. Lady Grinning Soul says:

    Wow… that was breathtaking. Spectacular. Thank you..

  11. cychang says:

    This is one of those stories I find myself coming back to again and again, and I have my breath taken away each time I read it. This is an amazing insight into the beast inside us, and to embrace this beast together, is terrifying, and as you’ve so eloquently put it, it complete’s the puzzle. An absolutely stunning piece of work.

    • Monocle says:

      Thank you very much. I think it is often a struggle within us, with those parts we are afraid of. It’s a human theme, in the end, not just a sexual one.

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