Quickie • Banishing Tedium

TypingThe explanation of this little flash is probably longer than the piece itself. It came out of a little discussion Will and I were having about the preferences of men and women in erotica. We both know that there’s a huge spectrum in tastes and preferences, but sometimes it seems that there are predominant differences in perspective. There’s the whole “visual vs. sensual” contrast, for example. Again, never universally true, but common enough to often make us think “women are X way, men are Y way”.

I have favorite erotic fiction from both men and women, though mostly women. One thing I noted that women writers can tend to spend more time on setup and background less on ‘action’ (which could be considered a stereotypical male term to begin with). Will pointed out from his interactions that some women found the ‘action’ in male-authored or male-voiced stories to be tedious. I cracked a joke in response to that, which resulted in this.

By the way, what do you, dear reader, think?

“Oh, my god,” she said from behind my shoulder, “You read this stuff? And it gets you turned on? It’s like a gynaecology class!”
I nearly hit the ceiling. It’s bad enough to be startled when you’re concentrating on something, but 1) being startled by your reasonably new girlfriend, 2) while you’re reading porn on the net, and 3) when you were about to fish your dick out of your pants for a wank because she wasn’t there… it all adds up to a serious freak. I have to say I handled it with panache and aplomb.
“Yaaugh!”
I told you. I’m eloquent.
“Oh, don’t sweat it. I read it too. But not *that* stuff. I’m a girl, we like atmosphere. Build-up. Y’know – foreplay.”
“Buh.” I assimilate new information very quickly. I just don’t let on.
“I don’t mind all the description if it’s done well, but there’s so much of it, and the action – it’s so tedious! It’s a simple biological function that can only be described mechanically so many times before it gets boring. There has to be more before and after.”
“Um. Ok. So… you don’t mind I’m reading porn, but I’m reading the wrong kind of porn?”
“The wrong kind for me, at least. That’s not the porn I would write.”
“Yrg. You *write* porn?!” I am *so* damn quick!
“Well, yes. A little.”
“Ummm. Can I read it?”
“You are *such* a boy.”
“Guilty.” I half turn to look at her. She’s beautiful in her halter top for the summer sun, and she has on one of those short pleated skirts. The kind that show enough thigh to make me drool.
“OK. I have an idea. Sit here. In front of the keyboard.” I am a fucking genius.
“…All right. Wait. What are you doing?”
“I’m hiding under the desk. You don’t see me.” Did I mention subtle? I’m that, too.
“Perv.”
“Yes. Now I want you to write exactly what is happening.”
” ‘ My boyfriend is being a pervert’ “
“Ha-ha. Now open your legs and tell me if you think this is tedious. You write down every tedious detail, please. For me.”
“Why you – Guh!”
“Type!” It’s hard to talk with a mouthful of pussy. But such is the price of fine literature…



Latest Comments

  1. vanillamom says:

    oh! how delightful! “he” is funny and just …alive.. in such few words.

    nilla

  2. Danne says:

    Ha! Loved it. Hmmm….wonder if I could coax my hubby under my desk…

  3. mewhowelse says:

    “Never too late to comment,” right? Well this one is a favourite. It’s funny, real, and hints at much more than it says. Also, I find self referential stories particularly amusing.

    • Monocle says:

      Thanks much! It is absolutely never too late to comment, and I’m glad you liked this little slice ‘o life piece.

  4. Penelope Lake says:

    That’s awesome, Monocle.

  5. Haku says:

    I like playfulness of this story. The description of the surprise and internal monolouge, with all those ‘mocking’ remarks he makes about himself made me smile. The best is that I can really imagine such conversation taking place in real life :-)

  6. dragon says:

    Thank you for the laughter and the smiles! This was a great read. I’ve missed your writing and thought I’d select something at random. I picked just the right piece! I’m still laughing and my smile would light up a room. Between Will’s latest and this I think my “grey” morning is behind me. I just noticed the comment you wrote on 30 October 2013. If I had to guess I’d say this is at least partially based on experience. I hope life has been treating you well.

  7. Steph says:

    I don’t think male descriptions of the “action” are tedious at all, provided the writing is done well. For me, I enjoy hearing/reading different voices, and no two are the same. As a woman who loves men, it’s always nice to gain access to masculine perspectives.

    • Monocle says:

      Thank you, Steph. I would agree – hearing the different voices and perspectives is something I like as well.

  8. Stephanie says:

    And I am so happy my comments aren’t falling into oblivion anymore. (IT is not one of my strengths) 😊 Your stories are just so…damn good. Thank you for sharing your talents, and for being an erotic inspiration. And do you prefer Raz or Monocle?

  9. Monocle says:

    Thanks so much! These days I go more by Raz. The distinction between the two names now is more in writing style, but Raz is name I’m most active under in other places.

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